Greek Gods
by Arius of Mavalin
Summary: The Marauders, Lily, Snape and Malfoy get a lesson on ancient Greek gods. We get a laugh, I hope so any way. Rating for swearing and the thought of Peter in tights, sick I know. Read please


Summary: The Marauders, Snape, Malfoy and Lily have an interesting lesson on the ancient Greek gods.

Disclaimer: I'm J K Rowling; I live on mars and have a pet Heffalump. That means please don't sew me I don't stake any claim to any of her characters, only to the 'plot' and Professor Willis who I can't really lay claim to either.

Warnings: swearing, nothing too bad. The thought of Peter in tights tosses her cookies

Notes: Marauder era, slight hint of Lily/James nothing monumental, do not take this as an accurate history lesson as I am not well versed in the ways of ancient Greece so there could be errors and things I have fudged a bit, call it artistic license.

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Greek Gods

Professor Willis, the muggle studies teacher, stood in front of her class, almost bursting with excitement. "Today we start the study of the ancient Greek gods." The way she said this made it sound as if they'd all won a lifetime supply of butterbeer. "I've thought of a really fun group project."

"Oh goody." Sirius rolled his eyes, directing his sarcasm at James who snickered. Lily Evans shot them her infamous glare and James winked at her.

"Now here are the groups." Professor Willis put a spell on a piece of chalk to write on the board. "Group one: Joikins, Lestrange, Cleese, Diggory, Wood, Lockhart, and Goyle. Group two: Evans, Snape, Pettigrew, Malfoy, Lupin, Black, and Potter." (With this Lily groaned). She then called out the other groups and told them to get together. "Right, on page 178 of your books you'll find a complete list and description of the Gods, Goddesses and Titans. Your task is to assign each member of your group a God or Titan according to their personality, your _whole_ group has to come to an agreement (this comment was mostly directed towards group two). I'll set you lose, start working."

Group two found a corner of the room where they sat in an uneven circle. The Marauders had clumped together on one side, Lily sat on her own and the two Slytherins were farthest away from the rest.

"I want to be Zeus," James said, without even opening his book. "Ruler of everything, that's me."

Lily, who had her book open, smiled. "Alright Potter, that means you are married to your sister, had more than numerous affairs, and aren't the brightest crayon in the box. I think it suits you."

Malfoy said he agreed and Snape nodded his head, a smug smile on both their faces.

"I don't," Peter said, coming to the defense of his role-model. "I think James should be Apollo, god of truth, the sun and medicine."

"If you your grade improved every time that Potter told the truth, you'd still be failing all your classes," Luscious scoffed.

"I say Malfoy is the Titan Epimetheus," Sirius announced.

"I like that Black. Titan, big, strong, powerful-" Luscious smiled to himself.

"-Stupid," Lily cut him off. "Epimetheus was the dumbest of the Titans."

The blonde boy glowered at Sirius. "I say Black is Epimetheus."

"No. I'm going to be Eros, god of love." Sirius put on his charming smile for emphasis.

"Actually, I think you'd probably be a better Dionysus," Remus spoke up for the first time. "God of wine. He has all kinds of festivals and a cult of nymphs."

Quite a few people bobbled their heads in agreement. Lily, who liked being in charge, now spoke, "Does everyone agree that Black should be the drunkard with the fan club?" Everyone nodded. "Okay, Sirius, you're Dionysus. One down six to go."

"You should be Aphrodite, Evans," James said to Lily, trying to make eye contact.

"I hardly think that's a complement Prongs," Remus said.

"Why? It says she is the goddess of beauty and is married to some cripple."

"If you read further you'll notice that she wasn't exactly faithful to Hephaestus. She even had an affair with Aries," Remus explained.

"I think you should be Aries, Snivillus," Sirius quipped.

"I see no connection between me and the war god."

"No one likes either of you," Sirius retorted.

"Stuff it Black," Lily said sternly.

"Can I be Nike?" Peter asked.

"You want you want to be _goddess _of victory?" Lily asked, raising an eyebrow.

"No, I just like the name," Peter said meekly.

"We need to get back on focus," Lily said loudly. "First we should decide on

Malfoy's god."

"How about Hades? God of gold and greed," James suggested.

"He's also kind of the underworld," Remus added.

"I like that," Lucious admitted.

"Okay, I call another vote," Lily announced. It was agreed that Malfoy would be Hades.

"Sinvellus, you can be his Persephone," Sirius drawled.

"I don't like repeating myself Black. If you poke anymore fun at Severus I'll hex you into oblivion," Lily warned. James looked hurt because Sirius was getting more attention from Lily.

"Yes Madam," Sirius said in a mocking tone.

Lily ignored him, "right who should Potter be since he is sulking?"

"Here is one for Potter 'Zues made him the messenger to keep him off Mount Olympus since he was so annoying.' That sounds like him," Snape suggested.

"Hey." James glared a warning at Snape.

"Wait, James, if Severus is talking about Hermes, I think that'd actually suit you." Remus flipped through the pages of his book.

"Who's side you one Moony?" Sirius accused.

"Hermes is also known for his flying and the Trickster god," Remus said defensively.

"That actually sounds good. I like this Hermes," James looked pensive.

"So, does everyone agree that Potter is annoying and a good flyer?" Lily asked, again calling on her self-given authority.

"You think I'm a good flyer?" A smug smirk was plastered on his face.

"Don't get a big head, I also said you were annoying," Lily retorted.

"But it's an improvement form bigheaded-egotistical-prat." James continued to grin.

"Earth to Lovey and Dovey. I do _not_ want to spend time with any of you after this class so will you two stop flirting," Malfoy growled. If looks could kill he would have fallen victim to Lily.

Sirius looked at his watch, "we have less than twenty minutes left I agree with Blondie for once, I don't want to spend any of my free time on this. Wormtail, Moony, Evans, Snivillus, just _pick_ something."

"Fine, I pick Poseidon," Snape announced.

"You can't be Poseidon, he's the sea god. You're afraid to take a shower." James said. For this he received a glare from Lily, which made him smile. "You can be Epimetheus."

"I've get better grades than you in both potions and defense, Potter," Snape sneered.

"How about you be either Prometheus or Coeus, the smart Titans?" Remus asked.

"Prometheus, that sounds better than Coeus. Okay I pick him," Snape said.

"Good, can I be Nike?" Lily asked.

"How about Athena?" James suggested. "Goddess of wisdom and a lot of other good stuff."

"That sounds better, thank you Potter. I'll be Athena." Lily smiled to herself.

"Peter, you can be Pan," Remus said.

"The part goat guy?" Peter raised an eyebrow.

"Yes," this was Lily. "You could be Pan. He is short and likes to scare people_. And tries to feel up members of Dionysus' cult_," this last remark was whispered to herself.

"Peter………Pan," Sirius said slowly. "_Please_ don't wear tights; I don't want to burn my retinas."

"You should be Pan, Pettigrew," Snape drawled.

"No way, I don't _want_ to be Pan." Peter crossed his arms over his chest.

"I think you would make a great Pan,'tail," James said.

"I'm going to be Pan," Peter spat out quickly after hearing what James had said. Both Sirius and Remus rolled their eyes. James was delighted; _someone_ was paying attention to him.

"That leaves you Moony," James had an evil grin on his face.

"Yes, which lovely Gaelic-" Sirius started in an evil tone before Lily cut him off.

"Greek," the redhead corrected.

"Fine which lovely _Greek_ god should we assign our dear Remus," Sirius continued in the same drawl. "He could be Hephestus, he somehow had the luck to hang out with the Marauders."

"Are you comparing yourself to Aphrodite Black?" Malfoy asked, "Because then your bigheadedness rivals even Potter's. I don't see what you are so proud of, after being kicked out of the Black family."

"I actually count that as one of my greatest accomplishments, that and dying all of the Slytherins' hair red and gold." Sirius grinned demonically. "Wasn't having the entire great hall laugh at you fun?"

Malfoy smiled mockingly and suck his tongue at Sirius.

"_That_ was mature," Lily growled. "Will both of you just put a pin in your egos and continue trying to finish this project."

"Lupin does nothing but be nerdy, read, and correct people, is there and god like that?" Snape asked.

"Hey, you have to be nice to Remus, he is superior to you." Sirius glared at Snape, "Heck, that freaky Trawlany girl is superior to you."

Lily pulled out her wand and muttered something and suddenly a silvery strip of something was covering Sirius' mouth. "Duct tape," Lily explained, "It's the solution to everything, or at least muggles say so."

"You _are_ a muggle, mudblood," Malfoy sneered.

"Watch it or Evans will put that duck glue stuff on your mouth too," James sneered back.

"It's duc_t_ _tape _and I don't need anyone to fight my battles for me," Lily spat.

"Um, excuse me please," Remus said quietly, "but we need to finish sometime soon," Everyone but Sirius (who hadn't figured out that he just have to pull the tape off, but was squabbling as best he could) continued arguing like there was no tomorrow. "Can we please get back to what we're supposed to be doing?" Remus asked a little louder. Again no one paid the werewolf any mind. "Shut the fuck up!" Remus screamed, _that _got everyone's attention.

The tape had come off Sirius' mouth when he gasped. "Moony, we have finally rubbed off on you." He patted Remus on the back. Remus did not look proud but actually rather embarrassed.

"We have three minutes. Remus you're Apollo," Lily said. No one argued with her.

Remus' mouth fell open, "The-the _sun_ god?" he stammered. Everyone but Malfoy knew he was a werewolf. He and Lily had become friends over their time together as prefects.

"I think it's wonderfully appropriate," Sirius said, grinning.

Peter looked at James and raised his eyebrow in question. James looked exasperated and said he'd explain later. Malfoy looked confused but decided not say anything because he was afraid to be on the same intellectual level as Peter.

"Okay," Professor Willis called and the room quieted. "You should be finished. Now you have to present to the class why your group chose the gods or titans they did. Group one please come stand up in front of the class" the group gathered themselves and presented. Nothing exciting happened, other than Goyle not being able to pronounce any of the names and Lestrange calling himself honest and fair, nothing new.

"Group two, come on up and tell us what you've come up with," Professor Willis said when group one took their seats again. Group two got up from their chairs and walked up to the front of the class. They had again distanced themselves form each other as they stood.

"Lily is Athena because Athena is Zeus' favorite child and Lily is a teachers' pet," Sirius started, getting a sharp jab in the ribs from James' elbow. "Also Athena is goddess of wisdom and battle, both of which Evans is master of."

"Sirius is Dionysus, god of wine, because there are many festivals surrounding him and he is leader of a nymph cult. Black is a party animal and has numerous mindless fan girls who worship the ground he walks on." Lily said. This aroused some giggles from the crowd and a disapproving look from the professor who had fallen for Sirius' charm and photographic memory, dubbing him one of her favorite students.

"Peter is Pan," James said. "Because they are both short and like to play jokes."

"Malfoy is Hades because he is greedy and has lots of money," Peter explained, "and he likes messing with people's souls." Their professor's expression continued to darken.

"James is Hermes because Hermes is the messenger god and can fly very well and is the trickster god," Remus explained, this brought a whoop from the rest of the Gryffindor quidditch team.

"Severus is Prometheus, Titan of wisdom, because he is smart but weird." Malfoy didn't bother to hide his broadness.

"Lupin is Apollo, god of the sun, truth and health because we felt like being nice to him and apparently Evans is in love with him," Snape said, speaking in the monotone he used when talking to a large group.

"I am _not_," Lily defended.

"You can sit down now," Professor Willis stopped the brawl that was surly about to break out. The group quickly found their seats, knowing their professor's temper all to well.

After class was over the professor called the whole of group two over to her. "I'll see you all after school today to tell me why you chose these for real."

"B-b-but I have Quidditch practice!" James sputtered

"Remus and I have prefect duty," Lily stated more calmly than James, but only slightly.

"Well you'll have to miss it today," the professor's voice was hard, totally devoid of emotion. "You can go off to class now."

As they left Lily glared daggers at James, as if it was his fault she was in trouble. The dark-haired boy just shrugged this off; it was normal Lily behavior, though normally he deserved her scorn.

OoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoO

The seven met up again after their final classes all had glum looks on their faces, except Malfoy, who had his hand in his pocket. James kept looking wistfully out the window, hoping to catch a glimpse of his practicing team mates. Sirius led the way, seeing as he had served more detentions than anyone else in their year. Peter was hiding the fact he was happy about their detention in some way, if James had been at quidditch the little suck-up wouldn't be able spend time worshipping him.

When the group got to her room Professor Willis had a grim smile on her face. "Um, professor I think we can come to an agreement," Malfoy drawled, shaking the hand form his pocket with that of the woman. When their hands parted a handful of coins came crashing to the floor.

"Mr. Malfoy, bribery will not get you out of this, no matter how blue your blood is. I wasn't going to give any of you real detention but now Mr. Malfoy, you will be meeting Mr. Filch tomorrow," the teacher reprimanded. "Pick up your coins before I make it double."

Malfoy scowled and did as he was told, his look of confidence lost. All the rest, even Snape, were having great trouble containing their laughter, only doing so to avoid detention themselves.

"I need to know the real reasons for your choices to give you proper credit. I have never had to fail a student and wouldn't like to start now. If you want to lose this very big grade, you have my permission to leave now, the rest of you come with me," her voice was stern.

James looked lustily out of the window at the pitch, but then decided he wanted to keep his grades up enough to stay on the team and followed the rest into the room. In the room all the tables had been pushed to the sides, leaving a large open space in the center of the room.

"Since you found my project so boring that you didn't do it properly, I have something a bit more fun for you all. Fun for me anyway. Come," she gestured towards the center of the open space. "Pick up the sign corresponding to your god. Good, now stand still." She then uttered a spell none of them recognized and there was a flash of bright red and black light that forced the students to close their eyes tightly.

Lily was the first to open hers, when she did a small scream escaped her mouth before she could stop it. "Y-y-you're……oh my," she stuttered, pointing at James who was now sporting winged sandals, helmet and snake entwined staff.

"You're not doing much better Evans," Sirius pointed out, pouting unhappily at his once toned stomach which now had certain roundness to it.

He was right; Lily was now wearing a toga, a golden helmet, spear, sword, and shield. Her eyes were no longer their brilliant green but a smoky gray.

Peter made to scream but instead a let out a loud bleat. Hid legs were complexly covered in fur and his head had sprouted two small horns. "I'm all furry," he squealed.

"And a rat's furriness doesn't bother you?" Remus asked. Other than the fact that he was dressed in a toga and glowing slightly he didn't look much different.

"Rats are furry?" Peter was getting increasingly more distressed.

"No shit Sherlock," Sirius said dryly. His vanity over his current state had put him in a mood.

Lily just watched the exchange, not understanding what it was about. Snape and Malfoy were both too busy looking themselves over to notice anything. Severus was huge, towering over everyone in the room, his body wasn't scrawny like it usually was but overly muscular. Malfoy almost died when he found that his long, straight, blonde hair had turned short, curly and coal black.

"Watch your language Mr. Black," Professor Willis said calmly.

"You can't do this, my father-" Malfoy shouted maniacally.

"Your father cannot help you get out of this. You should have thought of this earlier when you were working on the project." The professor's face grew increasingly sterner.

Remus felt like pointing out that they had done it properly, just not presented it right and that it was more her fault for arranging such a disastrous group, she should have known something like this would happen. But his quiet nature made him hold his tongue.

"How long will we be like this?" Lily asked cautiously.

"Only a week."

"A _week_? I will be stuck as flyboy for a week! I have quidditch!" Then something dawned on James. "Well if this is all done I'm going to go to practice," this time his voice was calm, almost mischievous. He left the room and sprinted outside to the pitch.

"Oh dear," Professor Willis muttered and bustled after him, students in tow.

Outside James, who was much faster than any of the rest, was already on the field and leaping into the air. His speed kept him up for a second or two but then he came crashing head first into the ground.

"Did he really think he would be able to fly?" Lily asked, wincing.

"Looks like it," Severus mumbled.

Malfoy was laughing madly. The Marauders and the professor quickly made their way over to James who was now sitting up and looking quite dazed, his face covered in grass, dirt, and a bit of blood.

"Honestly Potter, did you truly think that I would give you the powers of the gods when I changed you into them?" Professor Willis asked. "You only look like them."

James started coming more and more to his senses, or those he had to begin with anyway. "Well, I, uh. My head hurts." Sirius and Remus helped him up onto his feet where he looked around as if it didn't register with him what was going on.

"If this is just like dress up then I'd like to get rid of this, it's heavy," Lily commented, throwing her shield to the ground. Once there it sat for a while and then came rocketing at her hand and there was a bone-crunching sound, much like that of nails on a chalk board.

Professor Willis looked up at the sky, _this is not my day_, she thought. "Potter Evans, off to the hospital wing with you. The rest of you come inside so I can lecture you on safety.

Again Remus found himself holding his tongue. If the spell had such dangerous side affects they should be the ones lecturing her on safety but was the teacher after all.

OoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoO

So ends the saga of the poor souls who had the unfortunate trouble of getting on Professor Willis unreasonable side.

They endured teasing from classmates, back pain from carrying their weapons, and in Peter's case, ticks, lots of ticks, all of which he deserved for his later actions. Sirius discovered that fur is a bit like tights and avoided Peter in an act of saving his retinas. Remus learned that sleeping is hard when you glow. Snape found he rather liked his old, scrawny self better than its buff counterpart because not fitting through doorways was very embarrassing. Finally Malfoy, well Malfoy being who he was learned squat other than perfecting the already perfected art of whining.

James and Lily got to know each other a bit better and found that the other actually had a first name that wasn't 'Hottie' or 'Jerk' and had the privilege of calling each other by it. Nose-diving into the grass or crushing all the bones in your fingers doesn't always have to be a bad thing.

So, should we thank our dear professor or shall we dig a pit, throw her in and then burry her in textbooks? I prefer the latter but I also prefer bare feet over shoes so you come to your own decision.

* * *

I finished my first fic, wow.

I hope you enjoyed.

I send thanks to my beta who noticed the Peter Pan thing, I originally wanted to make Peter Pan for my own sake but she noticed the link that I had blindly missed so applaud her please.

Oh, and one more thing, you might be thinking Beta? What Beta, look at all the spelling errors. Well she corrected the hand written version and my typing skills need some work.


End file.
